Where are you, self?

Been a horribly long time since I posted a damn thing.  Been through hell since then.  Tornado ripped up my town and my house.  My mom was beaten to death, by her nephew.  My life continues on without abatement or accomplishment.  But, it ain't all bad.

Anniversary

A year ago something amazing happened.  Something totally unexpected, unlooked for, unbelievable.  For a while, the star burned bright, a supernova, lighting up the night, making everyone look up and see something truly rare.  Sadly, supernova collapse onto themselves, burning too intense to last, finally collapsing into a black hole.  Once in a lifetime is all we are given; twice in a lifetime is miraculous.  But, lost is lost, maybe another lifetime will give it back.  Sometimes, sometimes, eternity is not long enough.

Birthday

Having my birthday fall on the last day of the year is not really that great a thing.  I find it puts me in a funk as the years go along. Makes me see what I haven't done instead of what I have done.  Relativity means that ones perspective is contingent on where one stands.  I need to move my feet.

Too Damn Long

So, after all the promises to myself, I've not keep this blog up, or made progress on much of anything else.  I've theorized on persistence extensively, yet seem to lack the ability myself.  It's unfortunate for me that my birthday falls so near the end of the year, since it becomes a bitter reminder of what I have failed to do instead of what I have succeeded in.  Life is better than my addled brain tells me it is, but I need to find a way to trick my brain into believing reality.

Shit, I'm not mister fucking optimistic these days

Trying again for an academic job, but I've long ago screwed the pooch. Not enough publications, not enough funding, not enough ball-licking.  Whatever is wrong, I've done it. I have friends who have done it all right, and they have been rewarded for it, so can't say that if you don't try, you can't get ahead. Just didn't try enough. And now, I don't hear from those friends anymore. No one has ever asked me to write an article with them, to be a research colleague, to do any fucking thing as a partnership. I am a canker, and I realized it some time ago. I got into this gig in part to teach, I love to teach, and I'm good at it.  But now, it looks like I will never be a teacher, and I have 25 years of bitterness to embrace.  Fuck.

Nudder Budder

Christ, people have a way of falling back in one's life.  I really wish that folks had made the decisions then that they want to make now.  Life is the journey you took, not the one you wanted to take, but it is human to wonder how things would have worked out if different choices had been made.  Social networking has accelerated this getting back in touch crap, but, sometimes, I never looked you up because I didn't want to see you again.  Insanity seems to grow like mildew in an old shower.

Jezz Lou Eazy-E

On the night of September 11, 2001, I went into a bar in a small town in Alabama.  I had been working on an archaeological site located along a pipeline that morning, and only heard about the WTC when my wife called and told me to turn on the radio.  Soon after, we were approached by a guy on a four-wheeler who asked why we were there.  So, we split.  Back to the story.  I went to the bar to see how people were reacting.  Most everyone was angry, including me.  Many were talking smack about "If I had been on that plane...", but when I said that our world was forever changed, few agreed. 

Now, we have the so-called controversy with the Burlington Coat Factory somewhat near Ground Zero (why is is still Ground Zero?) that is the current bubbling up of the crazy-ass shit that has manifested since that day.  If anything will regenerate extremism, it's the reaction to this.  How. Fucking. Stupid.

It is a postmodern world.  Meaning is what you say it to be.  I live in a piss-ant town that's a panopticon.  People will deny the truth when it beats them in the face.  Religion is stronger than ever.  The ACLU defends Rush Limbaugh.  Oh, well, actually that one makes sense.  They are one of the few groups who actually does stand up for other's rights, no matter who they are.  Rest of the shit is just crazy.