Shit, I'm not mister fucking optimistic these days

Trying again for an academic job, but I've long ago screwed the pooch. Not enough publications, not enough funding, not enough ball-licking.  Whatever is wrong, I've done it. I have friends who have done it all right, and they have been rewarded for it, so can't say that if you don't try, you can't get ahead. Just didn't try enough. And now, I don't hear from those friends anymore. No one has ever asked me to write an article with them, to be a research colleague, to do any fucking thing as a partnership. I am a canker, and I realized it some time ago. I got into this gig in part to teach, I love to teach, and I'm good at it.  But now, it looks like I will never be a teacher, and I have 25 years of bitterness to embrace.  Fuck.